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(Note: rockabilly girls may only sport three shades of hair color: black, red, or blond. Curls, liberal use of hairspray, and you're good to go! For everyday you'll need jeans, (consult previous chapter for cuff rule), any ridiculously small top that spills your boobs out over it, and a bandanna to wear in your unnaturally black hair.For evening: Get yourself a few saucy vintage dresses on Ebay. Now, it's true all vintage dresses are size 4s and you're a 10. Now that you've got your hair all dyed and greased and your jeans cuffed to regulation length you're ready to move onto the real meat of the rockabilly lifestyle.While you're practicing this you might also work a few other rockabilly words into your vocabulary. (Warning, do not use this on your mother, she is not rockabilly and she wont understand how fucking hep you are becoming). AGAIN, this is crucial to your new rockabilly lifestyle. Or any other name that sounds more like a carnie ride than a car club.Now that you're throwing around your new slang, it's on to your NEW LOOK Part II: Dressing Yourself Like A Greaser Are you talking like a real greaser yet? Now lets get you some help for that sorry appearance of yours... Without it, you may just be mistaken for some hippie kid, and that would be devastating to your new persona. As long as it stains your pillowcases and leaves marks on your mom's couch you've probably got the right idea. Other accessories which will add to your new RAB look: -A long wallet chain -A whole fuckin' bunch of tattoos; preferably old sailor flash, pin-up girls, and hotrods. You can make do with a Bic pen, a needle and a friend with patience and a strong stomach). (This will be addressed further in future chapters) -Beer.No more marathon viewings of Elvis movies, and Horton Heat videos!
Resolution is not left up to chance where twelve arbitrary jurors are deciding your fate, or a judge is making the decision for you.
Litigation is my forte along with arbitration and mediation.
However, I do not recommend filing suit unless it is worth it, because the emotional and financial consequences are too high.
Now you can consult the Idiot's Guide for the latest up to the minute advice on transforming your dull boring life into a new exciting rockabilly lifestyle!
First of all in your quest to become rockabilly you should remember to never EVER refer to rockabilly as rockabilly.
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No worries doll, just get yourself a girdle to cinch yourself in. (Refer back to patient friend with strong stomach in previous chapter). To truly fit in with your newly adopted culture there are two things you'll need some basic knowledge of: Music: Ok, now we know you like Tiger Army, and well, ok, that's a good start.