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But you will figure out a way to make the basics of your new life work for you.
Step 2: Trying out preliminary dating At some point, you’ll try dating.
Does the idea give you a stomach ache; inspire panic, fear, self-and-other-loathing and dread? I'm here to tell you it should inspire the opposite: joy, optimism, relief, curiosity, the tingly youthful enthusiasm of possibilities. We have made peace with the destructive parts of ourselves that made choices from a place of fear, not strength.
Our midlife-dating -power-glass is either half empty or half full. If you're a woman of a certain age, with kids, post-divorce, with all the wisdom, self-knowledge, confidence and experience granted by midlife, you're in the dating catbird seat. Midlife dating liberation We can do whatever we want now because we have been liberated by the desperation, the fantasies, the obligations of our younger selves and the things they mistakenly thought they needed!
I call this first round of dating preliminary dating because you’re not really sure what type of woman you want – maybe you want someone to listen to you and provide emotional support, maybe you want someone to make your ex jealous, or maybe you just want someone you can have sex with – and because you’re still hurting from your divorce you’re not ready to enter into a relationship.
Most men use this period of preliminary dating to get in shape and update their wardrobe a bit as the remember how to put their best foot forward in the dating world.
Their friends think that a divorced guy should immediately get out there and sample as many different women as possible and that will automatically help them get over their divorce. We have paid the price for our lousy choices and are crystal clear about what we've learned from our mistakes. We know what and who is good for us and what and who is not. The power of dating over 40We are finally, finally, our best selves, desperate for nothing and no one, open yet wise, generous and compassionate yet sharpened and clarified by life's betrayals. When you think about it this way, when you look at the whole picture of who we are, where we've been, what we want, who we've become, how can we not feel like the possibility of dating should be fascinating, interesting, full of tingly possibilities!? We can say, 'I'll give it a whirl.' We can throw caution to the wind. We don't' have to say yes to anything or anyone we don't want to say yes to. The fear of youth Because you've got nothing to lose! We were hunters - aiming for the career, the guy, the condo, the essential pieces of that elusive Real Life. Women and the blessings of aging We've finally made peace with all the enemies of our younger selves - our parents, our exes, our bodies, our limitations, our life choices, all the stuff we thought we could control but couldn't, our mortality, our unique strengths and magic, our maternal and womanly wisdom we no longer ignore but allow to guide us.