Dating someone with bpd forums teens choice of dating partners
This blog is mostly a long recitation of Don’t Make the Idiotic Mistakes I Made Once. I’m convinced they can’t disguise the crazy for over a year. Crazy people usually want to seal the deal and fast. He wanted to know what I was doing that evening, and the next day. I didn’t see him every day, but that didn’t strike me as unusual. But he was anxious to keep me on the line and interested in him.
So, yes, I’d like to think I’m smarter and wiser now. People who study personality disorders call this phase “love bombing.” It was a full sparkle onslaught. He amped up the drama with “needing” to take a job out of state. Once I was married, moved, and isolated — then the abuse really began openly. As I later discovered, when the other life was revealed, he was constantly checking in with the OW and other women. I should add to this, he was strangely unavailable for important dates, like his birthday. He then began a new charm offensive to win me back, and was good as gold (so I thought) until I married him.
It is now at a stalemate with my sister as she refuses to apologize for her actions as she doesn’t think she has done anything wrong. — Kept Out of the Surprise This is so weird and I totally feel for you.
I’m sure you’re feeling left out, confused, angry, and hurt. But rather than focus on what your sister did wrong — or convincing her that she, in fact, do something wrong, I would shift your attention to explaining your point of view (that you say your sister can’t see).
We’re all only human and limited by our ability to process troubles and stresses and to always communicate effectively and compassionately with each other.
Choose forgiveness and compassion, even if it’s hard or doesn’t come naturally in this circumstance, and you will be the better person for it.
Like most people, I view the world through my own moral lens.
So, for what it’s worth, here’s a list of the signs I would now take as red flags. But, as I’ve said elsewhere, they’re also junk food without substance. After our second date he told me he wanted to date me exclusively. Within 4 months he talked about wanting to marry me and by 6 months, he was spending a lot more time at my place than his own. How he managed to do work a job or perform life chores was beyond me. Or available to see me after I’d been gone a week out of town. He never canceled a date again — he just got better at taking his life underground.
Please add your own for the benefit of future chumps everywhere. Infatuation feels great, but after a few weeks of dating him, it occurred to me that he liked me a bit too much for someone who didn’t know me that well. I thought this was okay, because he “wanted a commitment.” But I remember saying at other times “What exactly did I do to impress you so much? The shady inability to manage his time was the hugest red flag I got.
There’s obviously more to the story that you don’t know, and, while it’s a total bummer that you aren’t privy to that knowledge, you have to accept that there’s a reason you’re in the dark and that maybe that reason has little or nothing to do with you.
Instead of wasting time and energy feeling upset, focus on your new marriage and all the love in your life right now, including the love you receive from people, including your sister, who disappoint and hurt you sometimes.