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When we were still in college, my husband had 38 first job interviews before he landed a second one.He was horrible at interviews, but by the 38th one, he had learned how to engage with good questions, talk about himself an appropriate amount and gauge interest from himself and the interviewer.

It’s like arranged marriages where no one is making the arrangements, and it doesn’t seem to work very well. Here’s what I think it would require: Stop evaluating whether the guy who’s taken an interest in you is strong and tenderhearted enough to raise your future kids.What if dating is about getting to know someone and gauging interest, not lifelong compatibility?The great thing about changing expectations is that it lowers the pressure on grabbing dinner together and figuring out if the two of you even like talking to one another!When we’re doing or tolerating something that isn’t a reflection of who we really are, we often mistakenly believe that it must be because it’s what we want.This is why, for example, so many people remain in unfulfilling relationships with commitment resistant, emotionally unavailable partners – they resign themselves to the situation because it’s seen as proof positive that they either don’t want it or that they’re not going to get it.

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