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I felt immediate and overwhelming relief: Oh good, it wasn’t me! I would put on my Florence Nightingale uniform and zip over to his place and nurse him back to health.
No sooner had I heaved a sigh of relief when the caretaker in me kicked in. The feel of my hand on his fevered brow would certainly do the trick and he’d realize I was the woman he’d long been looking for.
But when he didn’t call or text the next day, I started to stew. I soon decided that pending illness hadn’t ended the evening brusquely. I found this odd and disconcerting because in my regular life, I’m a content and competent woman. So why, then, this instant and deeply convincing I-am-flawed response?
The truly flawed nature of my being must have somehow become visible. Who would possibly want to go out with a woman four years his senior? Who did I think I was to believe, even for an instant, that someone like that would be interested in me? I am educated and smart; I work as a graduate-school professor and author. Is this the core shame at the center of every human, that hideous inner knowledge we spend as much of our lives as possible trying to keep hidden? And how, please God someone tell me how, was I to be free of it?
Rule #1: When I feel the impulse do something for “him” (whomever he might be), I will look at my own life and ask if that nurturing thing is something I need to do for myself.
I have no confidence whatsoever that this tactic will work, but I hope to try.
They will make you feel like you are the one that is going crazy instead of them. Not only is she at her most confident, but this woman has got it together.
An older woman does pose an alluring challenge for a younger man.
Even when I’ve done that, though, I still can’t stop checking email like an obsessed idiot, as if the concreteness of my assets requires someone else to confirm them.Not a relationship per se—this business of being on my own and caring only for myself is intriguing and I’m learning too much to want to abandon it.I wasn’t interested in Match.com, nor a friends-with-benefits setup. Or so I thought until I went on the one and only date I’ve had (outside that marriage) in the last quarter century.All this occurred in the time it took to blink my eyes.And lest we lose track of things, let me remind you (and me) that this was a man I hardly knew and by no means was planning a relationship with.