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In addition to his insights of modern love Gus the Fox has provided an exclusive set of ‘free-to-download-and-print-off’ Valentine’s Day cards for you to use as you see fit.

“Much like New Year’s Eve, Valentine’s Day is an absolute clusterfuck of misery if you’re single and haven’t fingered anyone for weeks and weeks on end.

They left with his backpack, wallet and cellphone."I think its sick, twisted, it's wrong to take advantage of guys and to be a victim like me.

At first I didn't want to give them my stuff, but when you got two guys with two guns I told them to take everything."Earlier that night at the same building surveillance video shows another victim who showed up for a date and is eventually followed by three men in hoodies.

THE PRISON SYSTEM It’s easy to forget that people who are spending the rest of their lives in solitary confinement for raping, killing and eating stray dogs are often interested in pursuing relationships and a lot of prisons happily offer conjugal visits in an attempt to discourage inmates from resorting to palming one off and flinging it at the guards.

ONLINE DATING These days online dating has certainly lost its stigma and, as such, all the biggest dating sites are saturated and that’s going to make it hard for someone like you, who looks like they live in a cave and drink their own bath water, to fool anyone decent into clicking the ‘yes’ button.

ASK YOUR UNCLE BOB …He seemed to take a shine to you when you were 7.Everyone will keep asking you what you have lined up and when you tell them that you’re just staying in on your own and firing off some knuckle children in front of Desperate Housewives, they’ll look at you with pity and disgust, as if you’ve got cholera smeared all around your mouth.But before you give up entirely and splatter your brains out all over your bungalow walls, remember, there is someone for everyone.Dress it up nice, buy it some chocolates and book a limo to take you out for a romantic meal for two.It would be wise to check with Pizza Express customer services that they’re cool with this so as to avoid being removed/sectioned.

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