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In the meantime, looking around me, some people were like Teflon and seemed unbothered (not a good thing it turns out) and then others, would go through difficult breakups and experience other losses and difficulties such as losing a loved one through death, professional struggles etc.

and would gradually recover over time and come out the other side.

If you’ve ever gone back and forth to an ex or are still coming up with Plan 179 to ‘win back your ex’ it’s because you’re still bargaining.

If you keep playing out the drama in your head, coming up with plans or even trying to act upon them, you might go back to being angry or in denial.

Some progress into anger and stay angry both with themselves and/or with the other party.

Anger is actually a great healer if you process and grow out of it but sometimes we can become obsessed with the anger, blaming ourselves too much, being a victim, or feeling like we have to tell them all about themselves or even take revenge.

I was doing such a good job of burying my various hurts and distracting myself in more unavailable relationships that I became numb and trapped in a vicious cycle.

As the years went on, they were constantly hit with that same question “Are you two dating?

” or even bolder folks would say “You two need to just get married” they would always reply, “This is my best friend and we’re like cousins” which was the truth.

Like minutes or hours to do versus weeks or months of putting it on the backburner.

Breakups, moving on, dodging old hurt – they’re exactly like this.

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This then becomes like “Well if I deal with my feelings about this breakup, it’ll remind me of another breakup and then remind me of when my father/mother abandoned me when I was 5.

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